Wei Daxun recalled being violently beaten by his father as a child in the new issue of “The man who does the housework,” and degree tears flowed.
“Do you remember beating me when you were a kid?”
When confronted with his son’s question, Wei’s father lay on the sofa with his eyes closed, not saying a word, attempting to avoid the subject.
Wei Daxun remembered the scene: Wei Dad ordered him to lie down with his eyes closed; he stubbornly refused, and he received a violent beating.
“Everything has to listen to you, and the rest has to follow your plan, right?”
“At the time, my father asked me if I was listening, and when I said no, he slapped me in the face, then pushed me to the ground and kicked me!”
“Daxun must have this knot in his heart that he hasn’t opened,” host Zhu Dan said after hearing Wei Daxun’s painful experience.
Wei’s father also broke down and admitted that he was sorry and should not have beaten the child, and Wei’s mother was sad and wiped her tears.
The pain that falls on the body will fade quickly for children, but the hidden pain that remains in the heart will never be forgotten.
Why do some parents physically abuse their children?
In fact, it is often the child’s confrontational behavior that challenges his or her parental authority, rather than the child’s unforgivable mistake.
Parents who are overly controlling and have nothing else to do will become enraged and lose control of their emotions, waving their fists and resorting to violence, only to regret their actions when their emotions calm down.
Emotional outbursts are like floods, and the child who suffers is the most vulnerable and helpless.
In addition to out-of-control parents’ emotional outbursts, there are parents who believe that beating their children is “for the child’s good.”
Chen Yan, a new pregnant mother, and her husband Mark, as well as a few friends, gathered for dinner on “The Newborn Diaries.”
Mark stated that his mother was very strict when he was a child and frequently used a belt to beat his brothers, which stunned the audience.
The primary goal of the company is to provide a solution to the problem of the problem.
When the question was posed to the guests, Ma Jian Yue responded positively: “I’ll be honest, I will definitely beat the children.” My husband agrees with beating children, but he is unable to do so, so I will.”
She believes that beating children will help them improve their performance and holds them accountable for it.
According to a Family Education Research Council survey, 26.4 percent of parents agreed with the statement that “it is for the child’s good to beat him/her when he/she is at fault.” The truth is that beating your child can be beneficial to your child’s health and performance.
When I was a kid and I failed a language exam, my father became so enraged that he picked up a thick glove and smacked me across the head.
That bad test was the result of my occasional malfunction, and my father hitting me hard only added to my fear and aggravation.
Hitting a child will only amplify the negative experience inside the child, causing the child to become fearful and in pain, which may have a short-term effect but does not fundamentally improve the child’s behavior.
I went to pick up my child from school before the summer break and met a mother who complained about her child, who was not serious about his studies at home and was particularly naughty and mischievous.
“Will it work if you beat your child?” I asked.
“It will work for two days, and then beat them after they have committed a crime,” she said helplessly.
In the end, beating the child is pointless; otherwise, how will the child make the same mistake over and over?
Why are you unable to hit your child?
Because, in addition to having no real effect, beating a child has a significant negative impact on the child.
For starters, it alters the child’s personality, brain, and cognitive ability.
According to brain science research, the negative emotions generated when a child is beaten can actually change the brain.
The brain of a normal child is shown on the left, and the brain of a beaten child is shown on the right. The black area in the right image indicates that the brain capacity is reduced, and the missing parts can lead to a lack of wisdom and compassion as the child grows.
Furthermore, some studies have found that beaten children are generally more timid and easily frightened.
There is also the fact that children who are frequently subjected to violent treatment develop a “low self-esteem personality.”
Once upon a time, a neighbor’s child was frequently beaten by his parents, but he had been beaten so severely that he didn’t believe it mattered and didn’t even feel pain.
Children who have low self-esteem will lack self-confidence, have a low self-esteem to please, put themselves in a bad position, and even affect their future relationships, life goals, and ability to pursue happiness.
Second, it makes the child more likely to engage in violence.
The behaviors that children learn at a young age are mostly imitated by their parents, and children observe how their parents speak and act, as well as how they handle problems.
The fact that parents hit their children indicates that force is a viable and permissible method of problem solving. Some children enjoy throwing objects, hitting their parents, and hitting other children as a result of their parents’ poor “teaching by example.”
Furthermore, parents who hit their children increase the child’s proclivity for violence as an adult.
After surveying 700 young people in 2017, Professor Jeff Temple of the University of Texas Medical Branch discovered that children who were beaten as children had a 29 percent higher risk of committing violent acts as adults.
Finally, parent-child relationships can be alienated.
Two days ago, I saw on the news that a boy was playing with his cell phone when his father became enraged and beat him. The child cried and called the police, begging them to take him to an orphanage, saying that he never wanted to see his father again because, after being beaten, he would rather be an “orphan.”
How much rage and resentment should be in his heart!
When the writer Mai Jia was in school, he had a disagreement with his classmates, and his father came over and beat him up with a nosebleed. Whatever the reason, because of a slap, the relationship between father and son froze, until the father became ill a few years later, and their relationship gradually improved.
Fear, anger, vengeance, and even hatred fill the beaten child’s heart.
Every slap lands is a slap that moves the child further away.
Every parent is aware that they should not hit their children.
Jenny Arium stated that the presence of flaws in a child is not terrible; what is terrible is the lack of correct parenting concepts and teaching methods as the child’s life leader parents.
You can’t hit your child, so what should you do when he or she misbehaves?
When parents believe that their child’s behavior is causing a fight, they should first control their emotions and examine the meaning behind the child’s behavior.
Typically, the child’s “wrong behavior” can be classified into several categories.
“Mistakes” caused by age, such as bedwetting; exploratory “mistakes,” such as drawing on the wall and sticking his hand in the water glass; careless mistakes, such as losing and breaking objects; deliberate mistakes In the case of the former, the child is unconscious, and parents must only provide assistance and protection, as well as appropriate guidance and encouragement, rather than hitting the child.
Ma Yili once hit the child’s small hand because her eldest daughter dropped rice grains at dinner, but this did not improve the child’s behavior and instead made her daughter very timid.
She regrets that she was too eager to see her children grow up while ignoring their feelings.
So, let go of the anxiety and panic in your heart, show your child more patience and tenderness, and watch them grow slowly with an appreciative eye. This is the best love you can give your child.
And while there appears to be subjective malice in the first type, psychologist Rudolph Drax believes the child is simply seeking attention, vengeance, power, and self-loathing.
Much of the child’s bad behavior can be traced back to its origins to the parents.
For example, after a fetus is born in many families, older children become irritable and disruptive due to a lack of attention.
Wei Daxun was beaten as a child and is now fighting for his rights; all he wants is the right to independent space and autonomy.
Giving children more freedom rather than control, demonstrating more weakness rather than demonstrating, and paying attention to their feelings and thoughts from the bottom of their hearts are thus the keys to unlocking their correct behavior.
It is also true in terms of education.
Lu Ya Wen, the famous cellist Yo-Yo Ma’s mother, once dictated the book “My Son Yo-Yo Ma.”
She stated that she never beats her children because they will develop fear and may never touch the cello again, and they will not become outstanding cellists if they are beaten.
The wisdom of a mother is the foundation of her son’s success.
I used to be frantic while tutoring my child in his studies, but beating him would only make him focus on when he was going to be beaten, rather than on his studies, and would do nothing to improve his academic performance or develop good study habits.
The more you scold your child, the more tense he becomes, and the more relaxed he is, the more focused and efficient he can be.
Recognizing this, I began to improve myself gradually, without yelling or scolding, and my child’s spirit was clearly lifted, as was his academic performance. Emotional changes have also been significant, with people becoming increasingly happy and joyful.
“Every moment you see the child, you also see yourself,” educator Sukhomlinsky said. “You educate the child, is also to educate yourself, and test their own personality.”
Let go of the obsession with beating children, reconcile with their former selves, use respect, encouragement, attention, and guidance, kindly and firmly to help children grow, create a loving and warm environment, and the hearts of children will be sprinkled with sunshine.